#REVERB11 Day 1 – One Word.

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word.

The word for 2011: Nausea.

Strange choice? Not for me.  It partly goes back to my Cancer roots: problems take root in the stomach.  It’s the nausea I feel when I wake up late with too little sleep after burning the midnight oil on another phantom project.  Nausea’s what I feel when I’ve made yet another irreparable mistake when everyone’s counting on me.  Nausea’s when my Crohn’s Disease flares up with stress and I HAVE to run to the bathroom, adding humiliation to failure.  When things are in flux, and I can’t keep up with my obligations, nausea’s the name of the game.

This has been a year of problems.  We had two cars explode on us in rapid succession early in the year.  TJ has made great inroads toward improving her condition, but  at the same time we’ve taken on more debt.  Kat’s been a joy at times and violent and unreasonable at others, to the point where we’re wondering if she has a behavior problem.

Last month, Big Dog snapped his 300-lb graded rope to chase a neighbor’s puppy out of “his” back alley.  The owner was incensed.  I was humiliated.  I’ve been his taskmaster since then to keep the old man from backsliding, but I’m not a professional, we don’t know how he was trained to begin with, and we can’t afford training.

My job has seen ups and downs, but the company’s had its problems and my boss and I miscommunicate more often than not.  My failings have been numerous and I’m only just now making things better.

And that’s not to mention my worries about the global economic hardship, Congress’ inability to decide on a damn thing regarding the budget, the crumpling of civil liberties, and the daily revelations of wrongdoing by banks, corporations, the Fed, the President.

Ow.  My stomach.

But good things can happen when you’re nauseated.  We found tenants who, complaints aside, pay us on time and don’t destroy shit.  TJ and I just came back from a beautiful trip to Arizona.  The house is SLOWLY coming together, TJ has improved her kitchen and budget mastery, and we’re planning our future careers.  The creative juices are flowing and we’ve met some awesome creative people this year.

I’m closer with my family now than I have been since TJ and I got married.  I’m in an awesome band full of people I love, and I proudly represented my sword-fighting fellows in the classroom and in public, wearing funny pants even! I am surrounded by a caring community that is growing.

I’m… I’m not afraid of being myself around these people.  And I’m not afraid of losing them.  What a wonderful change that is.

Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

Regrowth.  Taking the indigestible seeds of this year and creating something beautiful and prosperous.  I’ve laid important ground-work this year and I’m not going to take it for granted.

On that note, I gotta go sleep.

#Reverb11 is a series of daily prompts for the month of December, 2011. Google it for more information 🙂

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